I wrote this piece of opinion in a quick response to a conversation I 'over read' on Facebook. I then went to the gym, cooked a high protein lunch and thought this subject was too sensitive to, firstly comment on, then secondly, to not look into more view points or information. After doing the latter I decided that the subject was far more sensitive than for me not to comment on. Whether ten people bother to read this or a thousand. I believe the very discussion of such a subject is progression and therefore thought, why not, what a good debate to walk into. I felt like a kid in school with my hand up waiting for the teacher to pick me to speak... then I realised,  ha this is 2015, this is the internet, I can say whatever I want whenever I want. But I hope to take responsibility in that and not just spout some shite about shite. I even spoke to one of my bestest friends on the subject. Her opinion had been similar to mine when she saw the ad... we then carried on talking and disagreed about some of the subject matter.  We debated about the importance of NOT talking about it, or of the importance of throwing it all out there on blogs and social media. We discussed what the issue really was. A lot of us blow hot air, just wanting to be heard. Her argument was, do we really need there to be a media shit storm about it? My argument, was if there are people going home and questioning whether to be sick after seeing the poster, or questioning whether they can just by a pill, eat crap, not work out and 'get beach ready' then yes, there needs to be talk about it. 

I saw the poster and I thought... 'fuck you poster' I thought, 'like I need anything else to make me feel pants about my body...' But I then also thought. 'Ha, as if taking whatever they are offering is gonna make me look like that woman, actually, do I want to?' Shes gorg, but that is subjective. 

 Objectification-To degrade to the status of a mere object. 

In my opinion, this is not a feminist issue. It is a human one. For me this is not about if this women was objectified, or who objectified her. For me this issue is not about her body, whether she looks beach ready, is beach ready, feels it or not, it's about advertising that taking slimming pills could make you look like this woman. My resistance to it, as a trainer myself, is implying that you don't need to work hard, have good nutrition, or work out your mental thought processes on getting beach ready... but, the whole campaign itself brings up far more than just this, as I have discussed further below.

If you're in a bikini with your bag packed and YOU feel comfy in a bikini... then go forth, you are in fact. Beach body ready. Despite not feeling this to be a feminist issue as such, I do believe if a woman had come up with this campaign she would have perhaps put a picture of a woman packing a picnic bag of snacks (healthy and not) grabbing a book off the shelf and checking to see if her bikini line was done. What are most objecting to in this poster? That as a woman, we have been rendered just a mere object in this campaign.  Is it that we have been rendered a mere object by someone who does not understand what it is like to be a woman? By a corporation that is relying on our weaknesses? Is it that that is one corporation's opinion of what beach body ready is, and we feel we don't have a  choice on the matter. THIS IS BEACH BODY READY it says... Does it?

As a woman, I want to go down to the beach and not think about my wobble when I run towards the waves. I want to pick out a costume that 'I' think is pretty/sexy/nice. I want to feel good even when my muffin top bulges slightly in the bikini bottoms. I want to feel comfy in my skin even when my waist is not like Marylins, my thighs are not like Beyonces, my boobs not like Kate Moss's. I do not want to care! I want to be the sort of woman that sees that campaign and does not buy into the fact that I will look like that woman (gorgeous or not, whatever your opinion may be) if I go down to Protein World. As a woman, I want to own my sexiness. I want to stand there sexy as hell and say 'I made this... I created this sexy beast of a WOman and here I am. How did I create her you all ask? Well I woke up this morning and thought to myself, I am dam sexy. I put on a bikini and I went to the beach. That wobble you see, the cellulite that ripples in the midday sun, these saggy, small boobies and this round bottom that I was graced with, this hairy belly button, these lean arms, all of it... Its sexy. Because I said so.'

The difficult thing is that as women in a culture of this sort of advertising, Insta hotness at the quick scroll or a button, magazines with toit, subjectively beautiful women on the front, we have over the years become accustomed to thinking that's what we should look like, therefore that's what we want to look like. Why do we want to look like it? Is the question I want to ask myself. Do I want to look like that because that is what is'attractive'? To who? For who? Do I want to look like J lo because 'I' want to look like J Lo, or is it because men find J Lo attractive and I want men to think I am attractive? Do I want to look like Kylie Jenner because 'other girls' think Kylie Jenner is hawwwt, therefore I want other girls to think I am haawt too. Surely, it has to be a question we answer for ourselves, by ourselves. No poster should be asking if we are ready and insinuating that looking like that is ready? But no human should believe that what someone else is saying is ready, means we are ready? When someone else tells me, go on, your ready to jump out of a plane (with a parachute)... I know for a fact, that I will only be ready, when I feel ready. Not because someone else has told me I am. 

For me and my own body issues, stated in past posts, are a state of mind. Certain things enforce the thought processes that have bought about these issues. But for me,  I don't believe we can live in a world where we can ban everything we don't like. I don't like computer games, I think they affect society in a negative way, are they gonna ban advertising them? I doubt it very much. I take issue in the same way to a poster that says... "Are you gonna have fun this summer?"... and the poster shows loads of 'cool' people at a festival having what looks like 'the time of their lives' in new clothes that the advert is advertising...for me, here I am, on the underground,  heading to a bar job that will not earn me enough money to afford such new clothes to give me the 'time of my life' and I think... hold on... will those new clothes give me that fun? And is that the only way to have fun? As a friend said, advertising is subjective.  I know for a fact that this 'good time' is someone else's worst nightmare. They do not buy into such advertising. So here I am, Loving new clothes, thinking that the only way for me to have a good time is if I  take a snap shot of this image of me in said clothes and post it on insta. Do we ban all campaigns, all Insta pics, that may cause us to attach to a thought process, that may emotionally negatively impact on our lives? How far do we go? For me the thought is the seed and the campaign is the watering of that seed. My wish is to take that seed away. I'm not saying my idea is realistic nor practical, I am not in fact saying I have all the answers and I am firmly saying the less watering the better. Gosh my analogies are good -_-

My stance is that I want to educate my children. I want to not only educate, but to make them aware. I want them to be able to discuss it, I want them to be able to articulate what said poster makes them feel like, I want them to be aware of there own thoughts that are created by such a campaign and freely be able to speak about it, without the back lash of people telling them they are silly to think those things. Insecure to think those things, weak to think those things. In voicing them feelings, they show vulnerability and in no way is vulnerability weak. Perhaps if we were all a bunch of much more aware, concious, zen humans that were educated enough, knowledgeable enough, open enough, to think 'Protein World products will not make me look like that' and also 'That is only their perception of Beach body ready' then that is the place to get to, to work on. In the a same way I don't think Kim Kardashian should be banned (from life I guess) I'd rather just educate my child on what she does, what she has done to get there, explain the shit bits of her 'business'  Discuss it. Discuss what it means, who she is, what her daily struggle may be. (Of course she has struggles people she is human, don't be mean) But discuss it, have humour about it. Always. And discussing it with my kids as a parent won't be enough. My mum was the best at instilling self worth in me. At not letting me believe skinny, conventional looking people were worth more? Valued more? I truly believed that. I had it instilled in me. I was worth just as much as my pretty friend with blonde hair and a fringe. But as I said previously, something along the way changed this thought process. I do not believe it to be posters or magazines. Solely. They do not help, no. They don't help a society that is always trying to fill voids, belong, feel self worth. But other than my mum, no one else was discussing self worth with me. I had a life-skills class once a week and I do not recall one discussion about insecurities, worth, vulnerability, value, courage, self expression, feminism, equality.

 

I learnt how to put a tampon in and that was about it. 

So I think it's great there is discussion about this advert because it means we are all talking about it. (although drawing attention to the product itself, and reaching far more people than it in fact would have done.-Dam it, maybe that was the whole point) But in discussing it, whether we agree with the campaign or not, means we are more aware of this issue... We are asking the question, what does this really mean for humans? Who are we as a culture? Where do we go from here? Because for me, when I'm at the beach I'm not wishing I took protein world supplements to look like her... because I don't want to look like her. I have image after image of fit women on my Pinterest who will not be someone elses ideal. But when I pin them, deep deep down in my subconscious. Perhaps, maybe, I am drawn to these bodies, not because society tells me they are HOT, but because, after seeing a fun, free spirited girl in a thong bikini on a holiday when I was 14, gives me the subconscious expectation of that when I see these 'particular' bodies. Its a FEELING perhaps I want to recreate. A thought. I want to FEEL beach body ready like that girl looked. I get the exact same feeling when I see Lena Dunham stand in her bikini for a whole episode of 'Girls' I want that feeling there. But why do i not have pictures of Lena Dunhams body pinned all over my boards? That is still a question I am asking myself, something I feel slightly embarressed about, that is one of the reasons I want to discuss all of this. But I am not going to NOT go to the gym in defence of 'protesting against this whole dam thing'. 

Feminism, as Caitlin Moran quoted is, "having a vagina and being in charge of it". If I want to eat healthy, work out, get Beach body ready, be lean, I bloody can! But I will have to do a lot more than taking protein, that in which I do... I go to the gym, I lift weights, I limit my processed carbs, my booze, I take supplements. Not because I think then I will finally be ready, or I will finally look how others want me to look. I will feel better (for me) but I will be assured my worth isn't in the balance of abs like cement, buns like steel and a thigh gap as big as the Grand Canyon.

I am, in all sense and purposes, beach body ready. According to my friends, my boyfriend, even to the mirror, in the right shaped bikini, in good lighting after a day of not scoffing CAKE. I am ready! But my head is not... They should put a brain up there and advertise some therapy, or hypnosis, or group discussions or meditation and then ask the bloody question. I have been a stone heavier than I am and felt it, and I have been a stone lighter, and felt it. I was beach body ready when I was 10, and we all know that I didn't look like that poster then.(nor should I have done)

I'll buy into advertising that I want to buy into. We are objectified. We objectify ourselves when we doll ourselves up and hope we get chatted up by the fit guy at the bar no? It's an issue. But I hope to teach our kids self worth rather than 'only' trying to convince PR/advertising companies to stop what they do. Lets start with our own selves for the change we want. Advertising is strong, but for me the idea is to evolve as humans rather than as a little piece of society in time. You ban beach body ready posters? You gotta ban that advert for fishfingers, or the Cocacola ads with the supposedly hot man, or you gotta ban Rhianna dancing half naked in her vids. The issue is huge. It's deep. But as women as a human, it's OK to want to look like that, it's also OK to not want to look like that. Surely what actually matters is that we know quick fixes do not work and that really it's about how you feel inside. So if you look like that but still feel like the chubby kid not getting kissed in kiss chase, and that makes me feel worthless, then I know and am very aware that my issues lie deeper than in a protein world advert.  

This is me being beach body ready and sexy because I say I am.

When we blame, we give away our power.

........................

What you give power to, has power over you.

As my second time here (well technically 3rd) comes to an end I thought I would write a practical blog. One that will inform people of the things I have discovered in LA. The good the bad and the teeny annoying bits (there aren't a lot) Apart from the annoyingly blue sea and my annoying smug face in some pics... Sorry not sorry.

My overall time out here is hugely positive. It truthfully has been the best time of my life. The sun and freedom help. The time to think and reflect because you take time out from the real world, is always going to be useful and deeply appreciated. But I have had other trips where I have done similar thinking. But this city, for me, creates a whole wealth of opportunity and chance and inspiration and hope, that no other place has given me. It's a city people are quick to judge and you assume it's full of people, that other people are quick to dismiss. Because why wouldn't you? The preconception is It's a town of flakyness,  of insincerity, insecurity, bravado,  show, false promises and broken dreams. It's surely fickle and in genuine and full of try hard wannabes with distorted ambition. It's a city full of houses with gates and pools and pianos built into the floor with glass panelled stairs and hoovers made of gold, and then you stop off at the traffic lights and a homeless man with a trolley full of stuff,  will ask you for a dollar, and even though you see this back at home, nowhere have I seen the difference be so distinctive and so obvious. A town full of money, and streets full of homeless.

The city can be strange. My time here has been off kilter a few times. You do lose yourself slightly in a world that is somewhat, unreal. But the only reason we feel that it is 'unreal' is because we are made to believe we should live another way. That life in the sunshine, not brutally working day to day, is a treat. It's something only the special or the lucky do. Only the talented or the rich. And in some regards, I still believe it. If you don't have money it is harder to live a certain lifestyle. Days with spare time and evenings with spare sunsets.  But... its not entirely true. I met many people out there living on the same budget I live on at home. They work, they hustle, they get up early or work until late and not everyone is cruising around in a matte Bentley.

As a side note... LA looks hideous in the grey overcast days. If it rains, it's like a tropical storm and the whole city looks horrendously dull. Also people cannot drive here in the rain. To be honest,  I find that people cannot drive here full stop. Aside from the fact that you can turn right on a red light, and pedestrians can cross the road when the lights turn green for the cars, they also do not say please and thank you whilst driving at all. They do not wait to see if you are letting them into your lane, they will just go (and mo you down in the process).  They will speed up if you're trying to get into a lane, so that you cannot maneuver yourself over.  Driving here can induce heart burn, headaches and outright rage. But there is always Uber... which comes with its own risks all the same.

LA is massive. I feel it's hard to do more than two things in one day. You can try. But it takes time. Everything here seems to take time. From the moment you wake up until the time when your head hits the pillow, you wonder how an earth your day was so full and busy with not actually getting stuff done. It's an odd concept.  People will ask, what you did that day? You feel exhausted. You quickly went to the bank and then popped to the grocery store, before heading on a little hike and then having a coffee meeting later that day. All of that just there would take maybe 3 hours back home. Here, for some weird time warpsy illusion, that would take you 8 hours. You cannot 'pop' anywhere, and nothing is just a 'little'... Everything is epic, everything takes time, and nothing happens quickly. Because in between all of that you have to sort your stuff out for the rest of the day. Make sure it is with you. Because you don't want to have to be heading back 30 minutes in the opposite direction to get your heels for later. You then drive, use the sat nav and maybe get lost, more than likely sit in tons of traffic on the 101 and wish that you had listened to Google maps when it had showed you all red roads. Once you arrive, you have to find a space. It can take you 30 minutes just to find a one and then when you do, you spend 10 minutes reading over the sign more than 100 times. Because the signs here are the devil. They are sent to try you. Confuse you. They try and lure you into a false sense of security and make you think you can leave you car there for a good while and then you come back to a parking fine because you had parked an inch too far away from the curb or your bonnet was a centimetre too small for the road you were on between the times specified.

Once you trust that you can, you head off to hike. And the hikes are spectacular. You don't want to just do a little hike, you want to get to the top. You want to take in the epic views and contemplate life and your dreams and what your going to do next, and whether your car may have been towed because you think you may not have tucked your wing mirror in between 8.12am and 8.17am. You take your time, you catch your breath, you take a selfie, you take another... and then you have to get back down. All of this and you haven't even got to your coffee meeting yet. So yes, things do take a while here. There is a lot of space in-between places and horrendous drivers whilst getting to them places. But still, the pros out way the cons.

LA is full of beautiful things. Cute coffee shops, amazing restaurants, great classes, blue seas, pretty houses, lots of sun and sand and kale...

Firstly I feel obliged as and actor to give some info that I know other actors have been asking regarding my time here. What classes are good and are workshops worthwhile? Do you have have a chance to meet Quentin Tarrantino and is it appropriate to give him a hug or ask for a job in his next Sci Fi meets Greek tragedy film (this is not inside info, please don't sue me)

So in the next blog post (I thought it best to divide into two because I do talk a lot) I shall give my top tips on having a scrummy ol time here, whether your an actor or not...

Well... I guess you could say a typical day involves a lot of hiking and a lot of driving. Yup, that's the truth. I will give a run down of a packed LA day and I promise I will try not drop too many wank stain cliche'd daily routines in there. But it's LA. There will be a few and I have to admit, I love em.

So I set my alarm for 7.15am every morning. I often snooze until 8am. I like a snooze. The little pockets of extra sleep are such treats that I feel like I am somehow beating the universe (sorry universe) When I do wake up I might do a sneaky five minutes on Instagram. Post a pic from the day before and then catch up with friends, family, the boyf on Whats app and such social media. Soon as the UK has been up for a good few hours, there is often a good hour of much needed voice notes and all that jazz. When I do finally rise, it's often a choice between, a gym work out (in the park) a hike or a run (I know, so freaking wank stainy) Now you add exercise into your routine out here like it's part of your day job. Because it sort of has to be, because here they sell things like giant pretzels with honey mayonnaise and candied walnuts and jars of cookie dough... so, yup, all the hiking... it's a must. Or I may need a helicopter to lift me out of the bedroom window by the end of the trip. 

Whilst we hike we do the cliche'd reflection. Where we are at in our lives, where we are going. Whether it's worth it, and then we look out at the view and pinch ourselves. Or course it is. We look at the houses in the hills and obviously discuss the house we will have when we book 'that' job. It won't be a house in Beverly Hills, but maybe Silverlake or Los Feliz. Well, a beach house down by Venice would be nice too, with a porch and comfy cushions. We'd have a pool at both places and my place would be all white. Because well, Pinterest makes all white houses look totally practical and beautiful all at the same time. Between reflection and actual hiking we take many pictures of us jumping in the air. After about thirty snaps, where we get two of us actually in the air... 

Exercise done, legs shaking, you're in need of some food. This whole routine may be counter productive, but it feels good all the same. I often have brekki at home, because you eat out a lot here. It is sort of justifiably acceptable to eat out a lot here, because food shopping can be pricey. And eating out can be slightly cheaper than at home. Errrm, any old excuse I know. And sometimes we are rebels and eat out for brekki too..

We then head to a coffee shop for some writing. We often talk about what we want to write, more than we actually write, but either way we feel productive. I have an attention span of a gnat so often find myself writing for thirty minutes and then doing life admin for ten, then blogging for twenty and then back to the script writing for another fifteen. We make plans, we drink things like a matcha late (a wank stain cliche I like) we discuss the next days hike, we remember we have lines to learn for an audition on Friday, have a panic and start reading the script. The phone rings, it's the agent. You have another audition, but it needs to be in South African. WTF... I do not have that one on my CV, sorry, resume. Erm, Saaath Afrrican? Ok, yup sure, I say with pretend confidence. Got it. I panic. I go through the phone book, is there anyone I know that is South African and then I curse that I do not have more diverse friends. Jeez. You Tube, that will be my saviour. Or as it turns out. District 9. Fantastic, entertainment whilst learning.

Once confident enough that the lines are in, iccent is aahh kay (that's my Saaath Afrrican, in case you were unaware) matcha chai mocha cino skinny late drank, we head home to get ready for whatever evening is planned. Usually dinner out, seeing other British people out here, cocktails or comedy gigs. Tonight we are heading to the Magic Castle. A castle where there is lots of magic, literally. And you have to dress up all glam... que... a must needed trip to the Melrose. Note to self... Budget! 

You go out, meet new people, talk a lot, listen even more, drink a couple of drinks, one if you are driving. No one wants a Linsday Lohan rep of D.U.I's. You head home and wake refreshed the next day for a quick hike (again) before heading to the audition, where as it turns out, they don't need you to do South African, your British accent will do. You smile so much with relief that you actually come away feeling good about the job you just did in the casting and you breath...

Now between all the plans and the writing and the doing there are moments... Moments that you get to yourself and you suddenly feel this overwhelming feeling of angst. It isn't all rainbow farts and glitter clouds out here. There are moments that your own ego get to you. I like being busy. Busy makes me feel like I have purpose and busy means I often don't notice any negative thoughts that might crop up in my head. But the moments in between can catch you unguarded. This town has a good way of doing that to you because you are usually so busy doing, that when you suddenly stop, it feels weird. Suddenly you are aware that you are far from your loved ones. The ones that laugh at all of your jokes and listen to all of your whining. The ones that you can fart in front of and wear joggers and crocs in front of, the ones that won't judge you if you do not do your eyebrows or you can say mean things in front of and yet they somehow know you're not a mean person. You realise you are far from the place where you can talk bout Kim K and yet your people still know you can talk about things that are far more stimulating too. You are far from a place where you don't have to talk yourself up all of the time, or explain where Slough is (Yes the place The Office was based) A place where you can sit on the sofa and not feel guilty about being outside, because, well, it's raining so of course you can veg out and eat ice cream in your pyjamas. In these moments you miss sarcasm, pubs, pavements that aren't broken, driving on the left, grumpy faces staring at you on the tube, TFL... 

And then you come to and the teeny moments where you feel lonely, subside. At the mere mention of public transport in London, you're back loving the sunshine, the hikes, the views, the sunshine, the kale, the coconut water, the roller blades, the clear blue skies, the opportunities, the business, the no work, the toy money and you slap yourself for not living in the moment and feeling sorry for yourself for that split second. 

Of course you are grateful to be here. Of course you love it. The lifestyle, the chances, the new people to meet, but I would be lying if I din't let on that their are moments of doubt and insecurity. Moments when you feel lonely. Times when all you want is to hug the person that knows you inside and out or debate with you're friends that know you inside and out. There are moments when you forget the journey you are on and want to recoil back into comfort.

But also in those times, you are fully aware that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. (Pinterest says so)