So when you have always been trying to 'loose weight' for as long as I have been, you end up working out what works for you and what doesn't in terms of the number on the scale going down. Eating less helps. As time goes on and you realise a diet of 1200 calories is not sufficient, healthy or acceptable, you start to work out that the number on the scale means nothing. The low number of calories are a waste of time, and that when us girls say we want to lose 'weight' we really mean we want to lose FAT.

Weight and fat are not the same. I am sure by now, we have all read the same articles. The ones that show the picture of what fat looks like in comparison to muscle. Despite reading and hearing from all the professionals, we still jump on the scale and look down expectantly with hope and big, glassy eyes and watch as the digital numbers move. We step off, and off, we breathe out so we are not heavy with air. We take off out shoes, our jeans, our undies. Gaad dam it we take off our jewellery and take out our hair tie. We do a best of three, because you can never be too sure and pray that the scale reads lower than it did... what, six hours ago. Disappointed, if not horrendously disappointed when the number does not show that you are now half a stone lighter.

DO NOT WEIGH yourself if this is the case. There are other methods to track progress. Less torturous, more specific ways. Take pictures, measure yourself with a tape measure. Get your fat percentage tested. 

Hopefully you are wanting to build lean muscle. If so, the scales will not budge a great deal. In the last 13 weeks I have lost 2 inches all over and NOTHING on the scale. NOTHING. That's because I have lost fat rather than weight. So when I discuss weight in my posts, what I am talking about it 'fat'

There are so many reasons that you may not be losing fat. So many times I have tried to lose it and failed, other times I have not been trying and pounds have dropped off. Working out what stops me from loosing fat/weight/bloat is a long, tedious, schlog. It takes a lot of experimenting, entering food diary data and tantrums. This is what I have worked out.

You're not drinking enough water. Water helps keep your body in a state of balance. If you are dehydrated, water will stay in your body as much as possible, rather than excrete the water, causing bloat and water retention. Hydrating your muscles so that they work properly, flushing out your kidneys and liver so they are not wasting time working on the toxins you're putting into your body, but they can actually work on burning fat. Water will fill you up when you might head for a bag of crisps instead. Water is needed, in abundance, to help with your weight loss.

You're not eating enough-You've been on a diet for years. Diet as in a low amount of calories. Your bodies metabolism has slowed right down after experiencing going into starvation mode. You are not burning fat at the speed in which you could be, as your body will hold on to the nutrients you do eat, for dear life to sustain it's balance and survive. Eat, eat some more and then eat a little bit more. If, like me, you spent a long time under eating to lose weight, try reverse dieting to slowly increase your calories. I will do a post on that soon. More calories, more food? I am in!

Too many treats-I am a treat fiend (treats not cheats) as I hate the connotation of cheating. This is a lifestyle and not a test. I live for treats. Cheesecake, pie, cheesey carby, fatty treats. But there is a fine line between treats and GET IT ALL IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW AT THE SAME TIME! I stick to 80/20% rule. I try and eat at least 4 times a day. That is 28 times a week. That means that 4-5 times during the week I can treat myself to a pudding/snack or treaty dinner and still see results. Yes results will be slower, but results for me are often about my mental state surrounding food, or my rep count and less about the inches around my thighs. So slow results are ideal to keep this as a lifestyle and not a quick fix.

You are eating too much salt-Simple as, salt dehydrates you, therefore you have excess water retention. Cut out adding salt to food, if you do salt things use pink Hymalayan salt. Why (because everyone says so) :) No, because it is less processed. The lesser things are processed the better it is for us.

You are not getting enough fibre-Fibre is hard for the body to digest, therefore your body will work harder to break it down, therefore burning more calories. I find it really hard to get enough fibre so occasionally I will drink Psyllium husk. Its pretty grim, but it helps clear out your insides (you poo a lot)

You are doing too much of one type of cardio-You're running miles, your cycling for hours... and nothing is happening. Don't get me wrong, cardio is great. It is so essential to a healthy lifestyle. Cardio helps you burn calories. It helps keep your heart healthy, it helps your metabolism. But doing bursts of high intensity training in intervals means your body will work harder, for a shorter time and even after your session, where as you won't get that same affect with steady state. The point. Do both in your programme. 

You're being mean to your body-This one is bar far the most important and detrimental one. I am a culprit. I have stood in front of the mirror, scrutinising... which you can read about HERE. I still find myself standing in front of the mirror sometimes, saying nothing but mean things to it. My waist isn't small enough, my belly not flat enough, my thighs not slim enough. All the whilst I am being so horrifically nasty to myself, why would I then go out into the world and nourish my body. Whilst my self worth felt non existant and my self esteem lost somewhere between 5-10yrs old, I found it so much harder to treat my body better whilst I thought nothing good anout my body. Eat well? Exercise? Be healthy? What was the point? Quick fixes and negative talk continued (on bad days,the talk still does) But the more you start being kinder to your body, the more you want to look after it. The more you look after it, the more kinder you are to yourself. Its a catch 22. But the body shaming and the bad vives in the mirror havent worked this far... so the only thing left to try... Be kind to yourself. Say nice things about your body. Be grateful for what you do have. And I bet you a slice of cheese and jam on toast, that suddenly you will be on your way to having the body you want, deserve, desire. Mentally and physically.

And I do not mean the Britney song. We all have them in our lives. Toxic friends, toxic people we work with. Even toxic family members. People that try to make you feel like shite. Those people that are not on your team. The ones that secretly smile when they see you fail, or they get a pang of annoyance when they see you succeed. They give you compliments, yet they are underhand and they somehow let slip an ounce of information that 'might' play on your insecurities. Toxic people that mess up your chi. Chi that you have spent a long time trying not to mess with yourself.

The thing is, when you start to question the people you surround yourself with,you have to look at yourself first. Holy moses, god forbid I am not a perfect specimen of grace and kindness. But... I'm not. I am human. We are human.

The question I have asked myself throughout the years... Am I Regina George? I can pretend that I don't have an ounce of mean molecules in my body. I can 'say' that I am the 'nicest person EVER. But no-one would believe me. Not even I believe me. Not even my mum could say that I was. My ego and insecurities can turn me into a big old mighty twat.

I've been that person to hear of someone's good news and get a pang of jealousy. I'd like to put it out there that we all have horrible thoughts (occasionally). About people, about situations. Even our loved ones. People we consider friends. If I am in this alone then stick a pickle up my bum hole and throw me to the sharks.  

As you get older, you start to ask yourself 'how can you control the negative feelings? How can I be a better human?' It's not that I do voodoo on anyone or wish that their hair would fall out (If you have seen The Craft then I know you know)I just mean the general crap. The slagging someone off, the bad vibes, the grumpiness, the ignoring of people, rolling your eyes when they annoy you, the little dig when they talk about their new, shiny expensive shoes 'Ooo babe, are you sure you should spend your money on that?' Or just the head chatter. The things you may not say out loud, but you think in your head for a slight moment, the smile you don't give or the 'hi' you don't wave...

We let our feelings,  which I believe are affected by thoughts, eat away our light and leave us in he dark.  

I found my old diaries.(the ones that prompted the blog) There is no way of avoiding that I have been that person. The only thing I try and do differently now is, that I catch myself. I have either said something judgemental or I am about to and I ask myself, what am I really thinking that is making me have this feeling that means I 'act like a C word'

I am on insta one day a few years back... I see that a fellow actress has booked an acting job. She's not a friend friend, but I know her. We speak here and there. My immediate feeling isn't happiness for her.(and maybe I am alone in this, maybe I am the worst human alive) But honestly, it wasn't 'wahooo' for her, it was 'oh' for me. It was 'How is that fair... Why does she get all this good fortune? Is she even that good?' And what ensued was a tantrum. A 'throw myself on the floor, literally off the sofa and ball my eyes out until I am swallowing snot and I can't breath. Jealousy. Severe, outrageous, pure jealousy.  And although I didn't project any nastiness onto the person in question (because I was still a decent human in many ways and wasn't one of those weird trolly types) perhaps I wasn't shitting out toxic turds onto her directly, but I was filling my flat up with the bad energy and I was intoxicating my own brain, my own soul. I believed my own thoughts enough to make me react like a two year old brat.

A while later I saw a pinterest quote (of course) and it said...

"jealousy is admitting to yourself that you don't think you will ever have what that person has and envy is knowing that you want it too, and can"

and something clicked a little. The feeling-(why not me?) jealousy, the thoughts deep down-(I'm not good enough) like someone's fortune was a lack in me. Like they were stealing something from me, like there wasn't enough jobs to go around, like the closer someone else got to (what? who knows) the further away I got. 

When I was eleven I became friends with the new cool girl. My insecurity fear based teenage angst grew and I slowly became toxic for a while. I abandoned my kind souled best friend and tossed her in for hair mousse and lip gloss. I no longer wanted to write plays and perform them, I wanted to write journals and adorn them, with names of boys and doodles of things mean girls doodle. Arriving at big school was one big toxic hell hole.  One place full of girls all going through that one thing that defines our behaviour time and time again. 'Who are we? And are we good enough?' And for most thirteen year old girls, the answer was easy, not as good as Nancy with the rock solid abs, not as good as Suse in her brand new hipster bootleg jeans (the exact ones) All Saints wore, not as good as Amanda, look at her round, pert, large boobs.  

Those feelings of inadequacy thrive on bad thoughts. Every action thereafter is to rid yourself of such thoughts of worthlessness-Of feeling less than. Not as pretty as, not as clever as, not as skinny as and in doing so you find people that you think are either 'more than' or 'less than' and you tell them they can't sit at the back of the bus. You maybe snipe at a friend who looks better than you. You may embarrass someone so you look 'funny' After reading my old diaries I found that I breathed toxic behaviour as a teenager. Whilst I was still learning who I was, who I wanted to be. I tried on different masks and characters. I joined forces with other mean people who I subconsciously felt made me worthy. My diary was full of 'people don't like me, my friends hate me, I'm fat, Ooo this boy fancies me, he said I was pretty' I can't read more than one page without feeling even my nostril hairs standing to attention whilst I cringe and my blood runs hot. 

The best way I found to begin ridding myself of the negativity,  was to be empathetic to myself. Aware and empathetic. When you know where your thoughts come from it is so much easier to see why you're being a fanny flap. If I was always beating myself up in front of the mirror, how was I going to go out into the real world and be nice to anyone else?

You get older work out your own thoughts, your behaviour. You cut people out. You realise who your real friends are. The ones cheering when things go good. The ones that are happy because you are. There are still those people, ones that will be so unhappy with themselves that they will make you second guess yourself, doubt your own moral compass, cry when you get home,  but before culling them from your real life, Empathise and relate and look at why you act like a cock bucket sometimes. The world doesn't need more hate, but more love. I never got this before. I've been mean, selfish, self indulgent (I know right, me?) and gradually it dawned on me to try not let my own crap seep into the universe as much. (It's still a working progress) 

So to all the people I have ever been mean to, to my first friend in secondary school who I didn't support through a really hard time, to the pizza man I shouted at for no real good reason, to my friend in school I told her 'happiness seemed fake', to the girl I bundled at the back of the bus in year 8, to the pen pal I never wrote back to and the people I never smiled at in street. 

It's not you... It was me. 

"There is nothing in the world that can bother you as much as your own mind. In fact others seem to be bothering you, but it is not others, it is your own mind" 

For the launch of my new blog  I wanted to speak to girls who have inspired me to dream big, be open, honest and put myself out there. After deciding to do more 'lifestyle' posts about food and exercise (soon as it is a massive part of my life) This one in particular is a massive inspiration for me. I stalk her Instagram like a crazy fan girl and always look forward to her transformation posts and her honest captions about how her journey is going. I have been following Kayla Itsines on Instagram for years, and working her twelve week training programme recently, you end end up following a massive community. Natsbbg (who is now on week 35) is one of the many I started to follow. She is nothing but open in her posts about her fitness journey and she inspires me on those mornings when I want to sleep or snooze for hours on end, to get up and go to the gym, because hard work pays off. Natsbbg begun her own blog Squat Mango and is selling a recipe book off the back of her amazing hard work and transformations.  Nati talks a lot about what she eats and how she trains on her Instagram  so I wanted to ask this gorgeous girl some different questions. How she began believing in herself and what pushed her on her journey... It is so awesome to get to speak to other girls about body image and liking ourselves as it is something I have struggled with since I was an eleven year old kid standing in Tammy girl wishing I could wear a crop top and denim shorts. I wasn't in it alone.

Were you always confident?

I’ve had my times where I’ve been very confident, and I've also gone through some times where I have had 0 confidence. A lot of this confidence has depended on my body image. I was always fairly lean, until the end of high school / beginning of college. I started drinking A LOT and my then boyfriend broke up with me right when I was starting university. I partied way too much and started gaining weight. I started looking for acceptance while partying, thinking the more guys liked me, the more I would like myself. I was dependent on guys to feel good about myself. For example, there’d be nights where I’d go out and lots of guys would ask me to dance with them. This would be a successful night for me. Then there’d be nights where no one would ask me and I’d feel incredibly sad. Its weird to think about how much random men’s opinions would mean to me. There came a time where I decided I shouldn't put my happiness in other people’s hands, let alone random guys who actually meant nothing to me. I decided I was the maker of my own future. My life kind of took a turn, as I decided I didn't need a man or anyone for that matter to help me feel better about myself. I decided to be happy and confident and I learned to love myself despite my flaws. Turns out, a few weeks after I decided all this, I met my current boyfriend (we've been together for 4 years now!). I know this answer might not really answer the question well haha but what I mean to say is, I've had times where my confidence has been on the floor. I've lost and gained weight and this has always been something that affected how I viewed myself. But my confidence has been great ever since I started loving myself for who I am and not for who other people want me to be.

What actions do you take to be kinder to yourself (physically/mentally)

There’s days where I’m so hard on myself! I have to remind myself that in order to truly be happy, I have to be good to myself. I have to treat myself but I also have to maintain a healthy balance. Food is very important to me. I’ve started eating healthy and it has changed me, physically and mentally. But I’ve reached a stage where I can’t be healthy 100% of the time, so I do enjoy some treats now and then. And when I do, I beat myself up. But then I say to myself “HEY! YOU DESERVE IT!” because beating myself up isn’t going to help anyone! I wake up everyday and promise myself i’m going to make a good day out of it! I smile as much as I can and I think positively, even when i’m feeling down. It’s easy to get caught up in the bad things, and it’s important to remember how many good things I have going on in my life and I have to remain thankful.

Have you always dreamed big?

No! I’ve always dreamed small actually. I started this instagram thinking, “hm, maybe i’ll share my picture and inspire a few people”. I NEVER thought I would actually inspire so many people. I was looking for small jobs that didn’t really make me happy (i considered working in a bank.. what!??) and suddenly I decided, "hey.. I could make a recipe book! That’s not hard right?” I realised I could do anything I set my mind to! And now my recipe book is being sold all around the world and I couldn’t be more excited! I’ve actually got a lot more plans for myself and my brand (squatmango) coming up!!

What would you say to your younger self, in hind sight, about loving yourself and body image?

Never let anyone define you. If you’re not happy about yourself today, make the necessary changes in order to be happier! Love yourself each and every day! Eat the right foods, and treat yourself right. Never settle for less than you deserve. You only have one body, so treat it right and love yourself every single day.

Love natsbbg x